“Bad boys are no good, but good boys are no fun.” This simple summary is the root of what drives many good girls to bad boys. The lust for that fun and excitement could sometimes seem so interesting regardless of the warnings and red flags. With the claim of good guys being no fun to date, they get lured into toxic relationships. They say opposites attract. But this is a cliché of women: they are irresistibly drawn to rebellious, rule-breaking ‘bad boys’. Ladies know a bad boy when they see one because there are several warning signs.
Who are ‘Bad Boys’?
“These men ooze testosterone, which leads to boldness and is associated with exaggerated sexuality,” says Michael R. Cunningham, Ph.D., professor and psychologist at the University of Louisville. “They may be rebellious or emotionally unavailable,” says Madeleine A. Fugère, author, Social Psychology of Attraction and Romantic Relationships. “Bad guys display qualities of the so-called psychological dark triad,” explains Marisa T. Cohen, Ph.D., CPLC, relationship researcher and coach
In simple terms, they are hyper-masculines who are probably tall, dark but horrible. Bad boys are those who are narcissistic with a sense of entitlement. They are callous and prone to exploiting others, and could also display antisocial and impulsive behaviour. Women who date them rarely end up married to them. This attraction isn’t because of some biological imperative, it’s just what it is.
The bottom line is they are great for a fling, but if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, then look out for the nice guy. Guys pride themselves in being ‘bad’, it’s like a tag of honour among their peers. But like a drug, once women get a taste it becomes hard to stop. This is one reason they leave a trail of broken hearts.
Why Good Girls Like Bad Boys We have seen it in romantic movies where women go on a quest to win those seemingly irresistible and unattainable men. Chances are you’ve lived out or are living out those movies. If you have never been in a relationship with a bad boy then maybe you know someone who has. Basically, this is a common pairing in relationship-ville. But why does this happen?
Since there’s no biological reason, below are psychological reasons why good girls are attracted to bad guys:
1. “Bad boys” free them from the pressure of being “good girls.” “Girls possess a range of traits, like rebelliousness. These traits are typically repressed during childhood, as females are socialised to be compliant and agreeable. If a girl’s inner life is unexpressed, she may be drawn to a bad boy as a way of vicariously expressing her own inner rebel,” explains Robyn McKay, Ph.D., psychologist and co-author of Smart Girls in the 21st Century.
2. Remember, opposites attract. “We’re attracted to qualities in others that we ourselves wish we had. A ‘good girl’ may admire the bad boy’s sense of freedom. Although this quality makes him an unsuitable partner for the long-term, it can make him so attractive. It’s seemingly worth the potential pain associated,” says sociologist and clinical sexologist Sarah Melancon, Ph.D.
3. They believe they are exciting, different, and “forbidden.” “Bad boys can be a welcome change from the usual types of partners,” says Dr. Fugère. “When we want something, we can’t or shouldn’t have, our desire for it grows exponentially.”
4. They desire a protector. “They desire having someone in their life who is tough enough to face the world and punch back when necessary,” says psychologist Forrest Talley, Ph.D.
5. Bad boys are interesting monogamy projects. “If you can convince one to commit, it can feel like quite an accomplishment,” explains psychiatrist Dr. Margaret Seide, M.D. “You think that if you can land one, you must be pretty, funny, and smart enough to have won this prize. Unfortunately, due to societal pressures, women are often on an eternal quest for validation and that elusive feeling of being enough. The pursuit of bad boys is just another example of this.” Unfortunately, Dr Michael R. Cunningham explains that the testosterone that makes bad boys adventurous, and rebellious will make them less willing to follow the rules of dating relationships and matrimony. He adds that instead, “they’re into conquests and looking for fresh kills.” So, nice girls need to be more protective of their hearts than not. A GIRL dreams of a BAD BOY who is only gentle with her. A BOY dreams of a GOOD GIRL who is only naughty for him. Fortunately, while bad boys may start the race by capturing the attention, nice guys always end it by winning the heart. Bad guys come with a package of mystery and adventure that seems more thrilling, fun and attractive. However, the price that has to be paid is incredibly worthless. Or is a broken heart worth being with a ‘bad boy’? Share your thought on this.
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